he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
