I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
