Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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