I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
