just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
