dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
