I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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