absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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