Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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