and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
