you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
