I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
