I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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