Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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