He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
