CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
