I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
