He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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