loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
How external is "for external use only"?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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