I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
