girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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