even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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