he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
