So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Everything about him screamed your future.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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