Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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