What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
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Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
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So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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