dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
