I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
