my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
