So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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