I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!