Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
