Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
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I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
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His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???