And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i now understand why vodka
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest