I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.