I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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