why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
