My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
