He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
