My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
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We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
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If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.