smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
