i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.