I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
