I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.