When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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