After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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