I'm really into asian looking animals
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
