ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
