jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
