so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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