Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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