would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
