I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
