Three words: puerto rican gang bang
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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