barbara walters just said penis...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize