i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize