Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
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I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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