Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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