Non-Jews are for practice
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
