If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You are a genius and a whore.
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