home. puking in laundry basket.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
