Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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