woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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