I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
