i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
