I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
