If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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