i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
