Come see our sink grown plant.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
