I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
