he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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