Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.