wakey wakey hands off snakey
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
What changed your mind?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.