Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
