remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
