Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
