I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
