I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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