btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
