why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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