i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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